The Real Reason Dating Sucks So Much Today

This has been on my mind all day! As I’ve been wanting to get back in the writing game and I mashed up ideas in my head I stumbled across a reel that got me thinking. This wasn’t the first anti-dating video I’ve seen but like everything- when a celebrity puts it out there- we listen.

Yes, there seems to be a movement about dating and relationships with women now opting out. I have seen a few famous women over 40 say that they are done. It surprised me I suppose because it’s women and of course for women that generally means swearing off dating- why date if you don’t want relationships? I feel as if it’s possible women are just tired of fighting against the hookup culture. To understand it-you ultimately have to understand where we are at in relationships.


I believe that relationships are vastly different for men and women. Men tend to come at relationships from a practical mindset while for women it’s emotional. That is why it makes so much sense that men will settle into a relationship, not with who they truly desire but with who is there when they are ready. Thats not to say men don’t care about love-they do though I do believe it has to make sense for them.

So much has truly changed though sadly I am not sure we have. The models for relationships that were given to us just don’t work anymore. We have evolved so much as people yet on the surface we have not really even looked at how to make our relationships reflect that.

Women are more independent than they ever have been and that seems to be such a huge issue when truthfully it adds value. We are at a time where we can come together in true partnership with each other though it feels a lot of the time like we’ve never been so detached from it.

The Missing Ingredient

I pretty much swore off dating a few years ago-if I’m honest I have never really been for it, it always felt kinda phony to me. Let’s get to what is missing. Connection is missing- I see it-hear it-feel it! Dating should provide the opportunity to get to know someone but it doesn’t seem to be doing that now.

You will hear different things from different people such as women only want their bills paid and men date for sex. That may be true-we are not connecting as people anymore hence intimacy isn’t in our experience. We don’t authentically share ourselves even in our most basic relationships. Cheating and lying have become normalized even glamorized because we are not investing and not connecting.


Social Media and dating apps have done their work-the internet floods us with choices so much so that we don’t put effort in with 5 more people in our DM’s. We have married people out here being single and people not being true to themselves and what they want. So what do we do?

What To Do

Firstly, we have to know ourselves and know we don’t have to fit in a box. I never ask anyone what they are looking for the bigger question is “Who are you?” You have to know what relationship works for who you are and what that looks like- be honest with yourself and others about that too.

Write it out. I have all the qualities I’d like in a partner written out even to the point of what our daily life would be like and the types of things we would do together. I realize it won’t all turn out like that but you have to be able to visualize it.

When you also write out who you are it makes everything so much clearer including your standards don’t believe you should compromise your standards and be able to rise to them.

Dating Ideas I love

Recently, I stumbled across this idea which I think is brilliant. It is kind of an expansion on speed dating. Set up one-hour dates. You meet someone for a drink or coffee for one hour and you leave. I would add it’s more intimate and gives a better opportunity to get to know someone in a low-pressure way whereas no one is investing anything more than a conversation with no expectations.

Loving this experiment idea where we fill a room with men and women of all different ages, cultures, and social status-have them sit in a circle and just talk with nothing in the room. I believe we would discover a hell of a lot honestly and relearn how to connect in a bare-bones kind of way like a grown-up time-out.

So how do you think we can improve the dating world today?

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