Think You’re A Loner?

I’m not sure what made me think about this-maybe it’s because I personally feel it’s a lifestyle, a way of being that people don’t really understand since we are grown up with a pack mentality from the time we enter school. We are conditioned to be socialized and told we are wrong if we are shy or reserved. I will tell you this has come up many times as a child- even as an adult.

My mother had a meeting that I can remember over the fact that I didn’t really play with the other kids or raise my hand to answer in school. It was so bad that they would always keep me in the front and I can tell you that really affected my self-esteem- I felt like something was wrong with me and other kids picked up on that so I had a target on my back.

I feel as if there are vast misconceptions about people who are loners so here is my platform and maybe it will help you if you are a loner or trying to understand one.

Introvert/Extrovert

If you’ve never taken the Briggs test I suggest you do- it literally explains a lot.  Odds are the loner you know is an Introvert. I tested at 87 percent introverted.

I wasn’t surprised by this since I’ve been this my entire life but working in the world of public influence and Social Media a lot of people would be. I come off as very outgoing and independent- don’t get it twisted I very much am- there’s not a shy bone in my body. The truth is most of us move through both and it can really depend on the environment we find ourselves in at the time.

An Introvert has to recharge alone and very often has to spend a lot of time alone, whereas, an Extrovert needs people around to boost energy. The test though will break that down for you even further because there are so many types. I am an INFJ which pretty much means I am Introverted and I operate through feelings and Intuition. It is definitely worth finding out.

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People-ing

I think the biggest misconception is that loners don’t like people. We very much do but we are very careful about who we subject ourselves to. We are not going to talk all day long and you may not even see us often. We enjoy being alone and yes we like having others share that space but it very much matters how you are sharing that space.

Loners typically can count their friends on one hand. We tend to know a lot of people and that suits us fine. Loners don’t really go out much and when we do it probably won’t be a place where there is a lot of people and if there is there will be a kind of timing involved. Even when I have gone to family events you can be sure I will sneak off to a personal space or leave in 2 hours.

What Are You Hiding?

It is so funny to me because I find myself being very good at appearing as if I am sharing a whole lot more than I am. When you keep to yourself people really tend to think you are hiding things. I believe this comes from the pack mentality. I am actually pretty damn forward with people but don’t really enjoy small talk all that much. We tend to speak when we have something to say-perhaps think it to death as well

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I have run into situations where people-even family will leave me out because they don’t believe I will show. We are definitely the outsiders even when we aren’t trying to be-we like to avoid chaos and drama. instead, preferring small circles and events that involve comfort and safety.

A lot of us are very sensitive to the energy of others- often empathic so it can be too much to be surrounded by others because we will absorb so much in a short time.

What Every Loner Needs To Accept

As someone who enjoys spending most of your time alone, there are a few things to keep in mind. One, we do indeed need people. With that in mind be mindful of knowing how that looks for you-set boundaries. Be willing to compromise especially in your intimate relationships. Find people you feel a sense of belonging with- meaning people you can be alone with. It is possible to have someone in your space and not feel crowded.

 

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So How To Deal With A Loner

It’s pretty simple really to have relationships with loners. Ask them what they are comfortable with. Keep things simple, meaning one on one get-togethers. You can of course invite them out making sure to compromise on what makes you both comfortable. Give them the space they need without taking it personally.

Blessings,

Heidi

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