Are you dating? Well, trends in dating come and go but as a scroller on Social Media, a strange trend had come across my feed. This sparked my curiosity first when I spied big stars like Kelly Clarkson, Drew Barrymore, and Sharon Stone publicly talking about how they were done with dating-boom it’s a trend. I decided to dive deeply into the no-dating trend and see what I could find- honestly, I’d sort of chosen this life a few years back.

Does this mean women are done with relationships? Well, it’s hard to say, I think the overall answer is no-by no means are women done with relationships. Dating and relationships have become weird, to say the least. We have more options thanks to Social Media and Dating Apps and it hasn’t proven to be all good. What I found was a varied set of reasons starting with women are happy being single. Let’s dive in:

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My Story

Originally, not dating came after throwing myself into dating at mach-speed after a divorce. I fit right into the hookup culture and it was fun, and exciting! Then it wasn’t. It is something that gets old quickly because unfortunately, it begins to feel like being a piece of meat.

So there came this point where I had to take a step back and be honest about what I wanted. I wanted healthy relationships and meaningful connections. I had things to work on if that were to happen. I believe that is what a lot of women are doing now.

We are actively working on our relational patterns. I believed-like many that relationships were a symbol of success. For men, it has to do with wealth and career but for women, it is not the same at all. I am Gen X and I remember a time when you were almost a failure if you were over 25 and not married or in a committed relationship. I believed this too before properly getting to know myself. So for the past 7 years I have been single and for the last 3 years not dating at all. I realized I was operating with the same patterns that carried me toward two divorces and I didn’t want to make the same mistakes.

One of the biggest mistakes we make is making our partner our whole life. From what I have witnessed so many of us are just focusing on ourselves. Women are finding their way, their own path in a environment that doesn’t require the security of marriage- there is nothing more beautiful! More women than ever are simply focusing on themselves and their joy

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The Problem

So let’s get into the problems with dating. Before I get started I do not include every man in what I’m about to say, I am merely the messenger. This is what women deal with and I am fully aware that not all men fall into these situations and they deal with their dating issues as well.

A lot of men don’t want relationships but they want to date. So we find ourselves in a clusterf*ck. Women in 2024 want partnerships but don’t want to play dating games. We have been dealing with too many men who claim to want to build and we wind up with nothing-it goes nowhere. A lot of men are still knee-deep in the hookup culture. Not only that, when it comes to dating they don’t want to go on dates- they want to hang out.

We exist in a culture that has normalized cheating. It’s funny to people. I am always a little shocked at how freely people admit to being a player. In this scenario, we as women, can no longer even tell who is single and what they want. I can tell you we don’t want to “hang out”.

Women are growing beyond this and at this point, we see that a lot of men are stuck and determined to stay single. Therefore the only solution is to not date. The whole dating model is off to me hence why I support one-hour dates and coffee meetups so heavily.

The Solution

We were not meant to be alone- I believe that. We as people need to embrace and create change. Relationships continually change as we do. We live in a time of great self-awareness where both women and men have the space to evolve tremendously. We need to create a space for independence and openness.

People who want to remain single need to be with others who feel the same so we can all get what we want. We need to be more honest with ourselves and others. Women are more independent now and honestly, we want to be shouldn’t we? All people need other people period and let’s get out of this mentality of proving we don’t and show up more authentically.

We will get hurt sometimes-we will thrive in love other times. Be open to different things but show who you are.

Spend more time doing things you love and inviting others to enjoy that with you-maybe that’s what’s wrong with dating-who knows? At the end of the day if we want love we have to start living our standards and standing on them. Red flags don’t turn green over time. Let people know you!

Blessings,

Heidi

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